So many thing have happened in the previous week, I have a competition in 2 weeks. I feel so anxious about it, yet, I don't feel the impact coming yet. I don't really know how to explain that feeling, not even prepared for the vacation panel review thingy which would occur next week. To be honest, right from the start, i never have thought that i would be able to do this project at all, I never thought we would be able to fly off to japan for this competition. It's sure exciting, but well, not for the competition part, but to be able to travel to another country for another competition. This is the first time in my entire poly life, flying over to another country of a competition like this. The only time i have remember flying over to another country(to be specific, Taiwan) was when i was 14? for a choir competition, i remember how much i missed home cause i fell sick, all the medication made me feel " why can't i rest on  my own comfortable bed" and actually teared, with the tour guide being all puzzled and stuffs, cause i was literally falling asleep with the medication and crying. It was definitely a good experience over all. i have made lots of international friends and was being exposed to other cultures,

It now feels so unreal, that I'm going to Japan for this competition, which made me think, would i fall sick again? What would be the result of this competition?.. 

Like I've said in the previous posts, i am someone who is really sensitive to almost everything, anything touching would bring tears, or everything upset, heart breaking. It feels so wrong sometimes, i have no idea why did it happen, no idea why that sudden emotion would bring tears to me, just a simple thought would drive me down, or just bring me back up. To be able to feel those tiny little emotions has it's pros and cons, i hate it because, i would end up crying a river, laughing like mad with just a tiny joke, when people looked at me and be like " whats so funny about it?" or " What's so sad about it?" Those extreme points, ugh. Kills me. But i cant seem to control it, i enjoy laughing out loud, because that's me. Well, i did try to control those tears that falls every time, but it seems that the more i try to stop them, the more the ugh of crying comes through. Gahaha, what a joke right? I wish i have a better control of my own emotions, to stop those excessive crying and laughter. But, the only thing i remember is to always put on a smile on your face. No, not those creepy smiles, those genuine smile, that would lighten someone's bad day. 

I have been having episodes of outburst of emotions. I realized that I don't understand myself at all. What do I want? What do i need? What do I have? What am i suppose to do? Who am i supposed to be?
To be honest, I have never felt like this before, i have to find myself, understand myself, before i can understand what other people need, and who they really are. I have been caught up in my thoughts, why am i always feeling this way, why am i always like this. I know i still have tons to learn. I have problems interacting with people that i first met, it takes so much more time than people usually do, all i do is to answer what people ask me, and i won't be initiating any more conversation afterwards. I know this may look like I'm some arrogant person who thinks they are so much better than other. I think im just socially awkward. I feel stressed up in crowded places, it makes feel sick. And i hate that feeling. Sometimes those pent up stress would lead to those outburst. I don't tend to tell people how i feel, unless i feel safe, and comfortable enough to express how i feel. I am insecure about how i look, how i dress, how i look in people's eyes. I wish i can understand myself further, what do i really want? I don't even know it myself. So, if you guys think im some weird ass, please do not misunderstood for who i am. Because i really want to step out of that comfort zone i set up for myself too. 

Recently I did the 20 Facts about myself and posted in on my instagram, but i didn't further explain and I have a few facts that are not relevant, so here it goes again!

1. I am currently in Ngee Ann Poly, study Electronics and Computer Engineering, Year 3. What a surprise right? I know girls in engineering is like at a rate of 2% ? To be honest, that wasn't in my choice, due to the O'Level results I've gotten, but well, I'm doing pretty well now, so I can't really complain much too.
2. I am from Fajar Secondary School. 
3. I am currently in a happy relationship with Brand (remember the previous post?)
4. I dislike any last minute changes, because i might have plans for the day so when there is any last minute changes, it feel like a tornado that came and change everything.
5. I have curly hair. I decided to straighten my hair for good, because it was hard to maintain the waves and curls. 
6. I am probably the most clumsy person on earth. Walking into anything that comes into my way, ended up getting bruises here and there, sometimes I don't even know where does some of them come from. 
7. Friends call me the "Blur Sotong", "Alien" due to the different times where i have made mistake without even knowing, like the above fact, I tend to walk into, injure myself without knowing anything. 
8. I loses things so easily, that in the previous month, I have lost 2 ezlink card in two weeks.
9. I have been in choir since I was in primary school all the way to when I was in secondary 4. But have never really sang afterwards. 
10. I have a weird obsession when it comes to throwing things away, like my old clothes, thinking that i would wear it again, but nah it never happens. (The only way for me to throw my old stuffs away is to have my mum next to me, telling me that its useless to keep it.)
11. I am an introvert. 
12. I don't know how to dress up, to me fashion is just something that i feel comfortable wearing. But I'm trying my best to change it now. 
13. I don't know how to put on make up. Yes, I have make up on my face before, but it was either for a performance for choir, or in my post like the first few post i have posted, for the formal wear photo shoot. I don't really like the feeling of make up on my face. But I'm also going to learn how to, cause it might be useful for some other occasions.
14. I love reading books(of course only where it comes to books that i love to read), sometimes to the point where i would be spending days and nights reading the book. It gets worse when i have the whole series. For example, twilight, those hours of reading.
15. I chose FYP over internship, because I do not have the confidence yet to start working on new stuffs and new people. 
16. I'm a Leo. 
17. Like i have said in the the previous posts, I am so emotional, sometimes i feel annoyed by that fact. I feel bad when my friends have to handle my emotional state. People would call me cry baby, being toooo dramatic. But that's just me. 
18. My favorite animals have been dogs and it always will be, but right now, i find bunnies and guinea pigs sooo cuteeeeeee that i wanted to adopt one.
19. I am straightforward. To the point where my words hurts more than anything.
20. Lastly, I am not as strong as it seems. 

Hey, I know I haven't update my blog for ages. Well, I have more than enough reasons, so here goes nothing.

Firstly,  I was pretty much stressed up with my panel and examiner reviews which I have for my (Final year project) FYP, So i have this weird thing in me, where i can't really present well, or ill just simply get super nervous when it comes to presentation, my mind goes blank, I would be like so awkward that it's so bad I'll just be nodding my head, agreeing to what my partner has to say. I am so grateful to have my project mates, who gave me so much encouragement and my supervisor too, pushing me, giving me extra practice, making sure that I would be able to present properly. Thank you peeps :).



Secondly, right after those reviews that almost drive me crazy, I have some high weightage tests, which are pretty much mostly based on understanding and memorizing. I had a hard time understand everything, had a very hard time trying to memorizing everything. Memorizing everything may seem possible, but it wasn't even easy for me. (Ps : Requires a high level of concentration. Well for me, if its like super easy for you.) I'm also really to have friends that guided me through, having lecturers to help me after class( consultation period - its really important when you need help, and if he/she offers one, please go!).

Thirdly, I have promised to post a blog for a bbq for my birthday which i have yet to. Haha. Even though there wasn't much variety of food, I really appreciate the time and effort that you guys put into planning (Chen yi & Cindy) for that day, Was suppose to be a surprise, but i became the party popper cause some incident happened, and i saw the planning by accident!anything~  Thank you girls for being such sweeties. Helping me change a hairdo, taking pics with the instant camera. And Cindy for the " photographer" hahha she took pictures for everyone on that day.  Should have pretended not knowing anything~ Thank you Fang Qi, for cooking the whole time, making awesome "Melted cheese with potato chips", "Satay", "Honey Chicken Wings", " Salmon", "Mushroom and cheese",
"Pork slices with mushroom" and etc, Hmm, naming all those makes me feel hungry. Haha, and thank you Jasmine for attending! Well, Yoga, if you're reading this! Hey! you're suppose to come! but meh, it's okay due to your competition. anyways congrats! Thank you Brand for accompanying me for that day, being a helper with carrying foods that we bought from the supermarket, feels bad cause you didn't get to eat anything and you left due to a concert.
Anyways, thank you guys, for remembering my birthday that may seem to be something small in other peoples's eye. Love you guys a ton! <3

Lastly, I have another commitment which is for someone special, spending time with that special one(lets call that person Brand) was nice and wonderful. An automatic smile would be plastered on my face whenever I see Brand. I really enjoyed spending time with Brand, it feels nice and comfortable.
To the special one, I'm really sorry, if I'm not as attentive, not as sensitive to some stuffs. sorry if i don't seem to express myself well enough, im trying my best now. But i really like to spend time with you, even if it's for awhile :). The reason behind every smile in front of you is because of you! :) Thank you for everything until now!:)

Opps, this post is getting a little lengthy now! I promise to update as soon as possible! Goodnight!

What is the true meaning of moving on? Letting go of the past? Forgetting everything, by erasing every memory? To be honest, i have lots of memories that i don't wish to remember, or even think about it, but speaking of the truth, it's what makes me today.

When i was still in choir, back then in secondary/ primary school, I remember singing a song call "laughter is a medicine" (don't really remember the name of the song well, cause it was so long ago.. ) It been stressful for me these day, cause everything is piling up, it just seems that everything is planned before hand, everything is clashing with one another. But i'm really glad to have all of my awesome friends around me, making me laughing because it makes everything feels better, to be honest, i'm someone who doesn't really take in lots of sweets normally. But when it's that particular period when im really stress, i stock up sweets and candies, be ready to fight with stress. Laughing is really contagious, these days i've been laughing so much, i guess i would have abs soon. It really does make everything feels lighter when im able to laugh. Its so nice, even though some people might think that im on pills or something.

Anyways~ goodnight :D